Absolutely Quackers: Shut The Duck Up Discovers That Philistine Tourists Are Actually Luring Real Live Ducks To The City… TO DIE!

Here's some recent press from Philebrity. Enjoy! -Walt

Regular readers of Philebrity know that we’ve been mildly obsessed with the Shut The Duck Up movement for a while now. STDU, of course, seeks to have the City of Philadelphia come down hard on the popular-with-tourists-but-hated-by-Philadelphia Duck Boats. And while they’ve had some success in bringing to light the noise ordinances routinely flouted by the Duck Boats and their patrons, we don’t think anyone was expecting this:

The popular “quackers” distributed to Duck Boat riders are indistinguishable from call of a real Mallard hen. World Champion Waterfowl Caller and Call-Maker Sean Mann corroborated the effectiveness of these souvenir quackers stating that “very lonely ducks” are likely to be drawn to the alluring snare of the Duck Boat calls. Philadelphia neighborhoods effected by the Duck Boat tour route have experienced a spike in traffic incidents involving duped loner ducks, who have become disoriented by the imitation calls and inadvertently cause automotive accidents.

The growing congregation of deluded ducks has also attracted the attention of the waterfowl’s natural predators. Recent sightings of fox, raccoons, and stray dogs patrolling the route of the Duck Boats has neighborhoods up in arms over the increased disappearances of family cats, and daily nuisance of having to manage overturned trash cans and recycling bins.

ECO-DISASTER! Well, Philadelphia, you know where we stand on this. Let’s give the Duck Boats to the Canadians as well.

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